of kupu-kupu and quite a long post.

haih mengantuk.tp sbab dh nk dkat subuh dh,tunggu la kejap kn.mcm dh lama x subuh on time?asyik gajah je.hm

so what have i been doing since the break started?well,as usual,nothing much.eat,sleep,tv, sleep,sms-ing,help with chores,more sleep,n oh yeah,sitting in front of the comp like my life depended on it.hiperbol?lets say those two days without the internet i was bored senseless.i slept more (considering with the fact that even with the internet on i still hv my extra hours of sleeping),bergayut di wayar telefon,sleep again,n mmbantai crite kt tv.

not bad really,the tv.since internet had taken over tv's place in my heart (wtf?),i've becoming less of a couch potato.so yesterday i was browsing through the infoguide,n tetbe trnmpk,eh2,Butterfly!
dgn lantas daku mmbuat keputusan utk menontonnya.turned out to be,quite not bad.i mean its an indon movie,so mcm buat aku emo tuh kre dh cukup bgsla kn (mmbajet diri susah nk emo.hee) ?
basically i knew this story from the ost itself,yg si alyaa dok pasang ulang2 (ok i hope alyaa doesnt read this.sho aku kne balik.haha).bolehla thn lagu dea.self-titled ost by melly feat andhika pratama.evntho buteRRRfly cm x bley blah sket.and act aku mcm nk tgk lg cte tuh hari ni,judging by the fact that :

1. andhika pratama tu comel

2. too many distractions yesterday.missed out most of the important parts.

3. andhika pratama tu comel.

4.technically i did enjoy the movie.

5. bored?dan sy x dibenarkan ke midvalley hari ini.menyedihkn.

6. did i mention andhika pratama tu comel?


at last i cn take shia off my mind fr a while,but that doesnt mean bye2.no no no!!haha.apahal gle.well its better than having to remind self about that you-know-who which i really hope i can get over him by next sem.hoping.hoping.

tp seriously andhika pratama tuh comel bangat deyh!frst time dgr nama dia (sbb dia nyanyi ost.) i thought he was some long-bearded,long-haired,berkumis kind of middle-aged guy with 90s speckies.but at the end of the credits i saw hs name as farno i was like,comel!haha.therefore dont judge a book by its name.hee.
but seriously,how can you become lesbos with him around??x paham sy.xpelah.haih.

and then igtkn after that nk sambung menaip,tgk2 ada Sepi.haish.tunggu jela ye list?haha
Sepi nh lgla xyah cte btape emonya aku tgk.haih.segan nk ngaku.tp sumpah emola.ey cte psl baizura kahar sgt sedih ok?yg tony eusoff tuh lgla xyah ckp.emo2.huhu.

and that was yesterday.i realised that my recent previous posts were mostly dramatically written (yea right),so i decided to mengarut2 a bit.the thing i didn't do much lately.being home really put me in that mood.


lets go subuh! :D

now i'm speechless,over the edge i'm just breathless.

haish.

tlgla fhm.

fhm kn?

haih.

you know you gotta help me out

oh yes

lusa physics,but here i am at the cc buat perangai mcmla aku level 5 abes exam hari ni.

hm

and i still dont know why i still cant get over you know who

i mean,tolongla.its not like we both ever had any sparks la apelah all those stuff la kan

and he even seems to hate me

sumpah!

so why am i still having thoughts about him like a stupid idiot mcm-dh-xde-bnda-nk-buat-n-xde-org-laen-ke-nk-melekat-dlm-otak-aku bastard.

urgh!

aku sgt membenci diri sendiri skrg ini

sgt helplesss

no.helpless is an understatement.

let me find another word in the thesaurus n inform you later.

haish.

tolongla,tolonglaaaa asiah concentrate physics!mcmla fzk kau hebat sgt!

adeih

but once in a while when i was into those fluids in motion things (well i was about to write trash but well no its no piece of trash.tlgla sedar kau nk jd engineer.konon.)muncullah out of nowhere si you know who n this kind of sinking feeling that makes me feel so,nk ke toilet?ok that sounds so wrong.hm.

i hate this.i hate myself in this mode.sumpah cheesy nk mampos.

in conclusion,today's post is just for the sake of 'melepaskan pekung di dada'.

uuu.uuu.

God i feel so helpless :(

dhla.g baca phy!

seasons with no summer,rock n roll without a drummer..?

zac efron was soo,uh,ew? =_=''

it's gonna happen when it's supposed to happen

And we find the reasons why
One step at a time :)

esok raya!! =D

guilty feet have got no rhythm.

ok hari ni aku rajin,mimpi ape tah pegi kelas awal,ble smpi xde org lagi,dok situ nk dekat 10 minit n tgk2 rupa2nya klas cancel.

???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tensi kot?apahal kot xnk kstaw satu kelas?nk ckp xde no. aku rasenye ade je.naseb baek bieyl dtg,or x,god noes how long i'll be sitting there like an idiot.adei.

since my last post,honestly,my life hasn't been a bit better.yesterday we got our phy cam,n yeah,guess what,mine was in red.
fishla.
so i decided to cry my eyes out,thinking that maybe today i'll forget (a little,atleast) about the past,n say to myself,that life must go on.
turned out i didn't feel a lil bit,not even a teenie weenie,microscopic or whatever better than yesterday.
and actually i feel worse.
there's this small voice somewhere inside of me (which i cn guarantee,no devils,setan kne ikat kot?) that says,'tukarla kos.u're going nowhere with engineering'
and aku dh bergn2 dh nk tukar nilai,whatsonot2,nk bljr sejeq lg (konon),but then there's another voice,saying,'x kesian ke mak bpk kau?'
haih.

therefore here i am,once again,dwelling against myself with this losing battle mine,whatsoever.
guess i have to ask my parents,sibs,adviser,friends.......entahla.right now i'm thinking of sticking to it anyway.i missed doing chem (haha) n maths (double haha).

and oh yeah,eventho how hard i tried,i still have this same feeling where as if my heart does a somersault and jumps into a puddle of quicksand whenever whoever is concerned,is still concerned by me.

*censored for infinite cursing*

of fish n chips.

so as my life diibaratkan as a car crash survivor,the one which the car jth dlm gaung kt gua musang,falling so hard due to earth's gravity,ignoring air friction,and F=ma (ok let me stop this);i think i've had enough of those times where i keep myself in that car for quite a time and weep and swore to myself that i would not go to klntn again by car,and towards the end i'm slowly embracing that light of hope,once again letting myself feel the sun and starting to climb up the gaung one step at a time.however,if u dont layan metaphores and dont understand a single crap i wrote,let me get this straight;my life sucked,and i fucking need to get over it.

just 3 months in cfsiium,and i hve to fckng deal with these internal conflicts that no one knows,hidden beneath those wide grins and fake emtions,trying to be someone i dont even know what i will turn into.i mean,wth is wrong with me???what am i trying to do???who am i trying to impress???

the answers?hanya Allah shj tahu.

and here i am writing crap all over again which when ppl read n the frst thing they'll hv in mind is,wtf?so yeah.i am assuming.and frankly speaking,i'm good at it too.

therefore i have to conclude,why am i the one who is trying to please everybody,and nobody actually gives a shitting hell about me.wtf?omg i'm being emo.again.

please note that the above does not refer to my life in cfs whatsoever.it refers to my entire life.

but then yesterday's study circle did give me the courage to move on.and yes,as corny as it sounds,it did help me to be more bersmgt.so i've decided to move on.get a grip.score for finals (eventho it is C.hell i dont want to repeat physics 1).and yeah.live life to the fullest.why should i care about ppl who doesn't give a shit about me.so yeah.yeahhhhh..!!fish?

ok so i am done crapping.these are my so-called attempt to get over and done with it,via writing.maybe i shouldn't be so self-centered.i think i should care less about ppl.talking about contradictions and irony.

and please.please make me forget him :[